Two lawyers walk into a bar…

While browsing my favorite Illuminati forum this morning, someone once again brought up the relationship between American lawyers and the British government and given that the Queen of England is stopping by later for a spot of tea and a round of paintball…I suppose I should comment.

For those of you without your handbook and secret imploder ring, let me expound the theory as it has been relayed to me by my operatives. It’s quite simple, really. The Bar Association is owned privately with the HQ located in England. This leads to a belief that “Bar” is an acronym for “British Accreditation Regency,” which in turn leads to a belief that the titles given to American lawyers are all related in some way to the royal crown and property rights.

For those of you with the handbook and secret imploder ring, you know that this is not the Official Illuminati story. But again, I understand that not everyone can afford an F550 to haul the handbook around with you all day, so for those who don’t have it:

In the late 1800s there were several laws in effect that prohibited the sale of liquor for all but a few convoluted conditions. This was detrimental to the booming liquor industry and the happiness of your random drunk. Desperation quickly set in, and it was not long before those with the money, education, and intelligence to decipher the legal spaghetti were finding the loopholes necessary to do what had to be done. It was not long after that that the first bar opened. The citizens rejoiced. No longer did housewives have to bear the whining of their husbands after a long day and the husbands no longer had to contemplate murdering their nagging wives.

As a token of the ability to unravel the legal code to do formerly illegal things legally, these pioneers were often referred to fondly as “law obeyers.” After several years of drunks slurring the two words together, they eventually became known to the general population as “lawyers.”

And their services did not end with sloshing up the locals, either. These bars became havens for the average person to ask the lawyers to decipher other bits of the legal code. As a result, these lawyers became very well-versed in certain areas of law – eventually specializing in select areas so that they could provide better answers. Why, if you asked a passerby where to get advice on how to legally park your horse-drawn carriage across a road and charge a toll, well, he’d tell you to walk into the bar on 7th. Need advice on how to marry your neighbor’s mule? Check out the bar on Lexington.

While this had it’s merits, they ran into problems. As the amount of bars increased, it was getting harder and harder to figure out which bar you needed for a given situation. So, on August 20, 1878, 100 lawyers from 21 states met to discuss solutions. The first being that some of the bars had to stop selling liquor because in some towns, not one person could walk in a straight line. The second was to form an association to keep track of all the bars. And on August 21, 1978, 100 lawyers from 21 states got loaded on moonshine and signed a membership agreement to the bar.

The lesser known parts of the agreement entailed setting up expensive schools so others could learn to “lawyer”, building downlines (oh…I’m sorry…”legacies”), and charging for their services.

And that is the Official Illuminati Story of the Formation of the American Bar Association. Remember to check the appendix for the related story of the formation of Alcoholics Anonymous.