Open Season on Moonbats

Twenty-five years ago, when the Moonbats were having difficulty maintaining their wave generator, we signed a treaty that allowed them to troubleshoot the problem directly from Earth. It has been a long-held belief that the reason why moonbats never populated our planet was due to the inability to survive here. Now, we discover, that it is quite the opposite. Moonbats thrive on Earth. At first, it concerned us, since humans have been the dominant species for quite some time. But considering that watching their congressional sessions is like watching a group of stoners try to plan a dinner party, we quickly understood that such a scenario would be impossible.

But a far more insidious one loomed on the horizon. It seems that our oxygen-rich atmosphere is quite the aphrodisiac to these pests and they have taken full advantage of the situation. Over the past 25 years, the Moonbat population on earth has skyrocketed – even outnumbering the humans in some locations.

We at the Illuminati have just about had it with the Moonbat infestation on the East Coast. It has gotten to the point where I can no longer pelt field mice at jaywalkers without a Moonbat deflecting the shot. And just this morning, I had a misfire on the Iguana Cannon because there were three Moonbats wedged in the barrel. What is this world coming to?

Well, I’ll tell you what it’s coming to. This morning, I stamped approval on a bill which authorizes a Moonbat hunting season. That’s right, folks. Get your marshmallow rifles loaded, cause those Moonbats are about to figure out what high caliber sugar feels like.