And then I quit. There was about six years worth of stuff in-between.
So anyway, I got me a domain name. That’s right, kids! No more free WordPress hosting for the Illuminati. We’ve gone professional and shit. Unfortunately, this makes me more visible to people like you…but that’s just a reality I’ll have to learn to live with. Or I can be an adult and just take it out on you.
So as I was installing WordPress onto the new site, I decided to prep for any plugins and whatnot so I can bring the site up-to-speed faster. I’m either very efficient or very impatient. The first place I went was to my theme, Contempt, which was chosen specifically for the way I feel most of the time….
YOU CAN’T RETIRE CONTEMPT. It doesn’t move to a nice quiet community in Florida (::shudder::) where it lives out its days in relative peace. It parks its butt on your front lawn, pisses on the grass, scares the neighbor’s dog, harasses the trick-or-treaters and festers into a bleeding ulcer that spontaneously gushes out every orifice three times a week.
Again, you cannot retire contempt. Who the hell do they think they are?
But that didn’t change my problem. My theme is gone. Forever lost in the annals of the internet. Only to ever be visible on the Wayback Machine. ::sniff::
Devastated, I clicked the “See All Themes” button to search for a new one while I installed the software on my shiny new hosting service. And there it was! Contempt! Only it was masquerading as something called “Big Brother.” It was perfect. Looked just like my old theme, only this time I was getting an Orson Welles reference.
By this time, my installation had finished so it was time to install the theme on the new site. For those of you in the dark ages, WordPress allows you to search for and install new themes with a click of a button right from within your installation. It’s handy and great for lazy people like me. Problem is that no matter how many ways I searched for it, it just wasn’t there. Tricky little bastard.
So, like I had to download it to my super-special Illuminati computer and then upload it to my new installation like some kind of ANIMAL. How dare they assume I have opposable thumbs! Even if the assumption is accurate!
And here you are. Ready to be tortured anew. And here I am, dreading having to create a new header design. Be prepare to be disappointed.