Upstaged by a Pickle

It yodels. It fucking yodels.

I’m not going to mince words here, folks: I’m really angry with a pickle right now.  For years, R&D has been working on making a penis that can sing and we were upstaged by a pickle… years ago.

That’s right, I’m talking about the Yodeling Pickle.  No one can quite understand the frustration of being told that the singing penis was coming arriving any day now only to be continuously disappointed.  I mean, do you know how many penises I’ve stared at in anticipation only to have them flopping around uselessly with performance anxiety?  Or worse…twitching.

Do you know how many I stared at? More than a lifetime’s worth. And it’s not fun, you know.  Not fun at all.  These aren’t even mediocre specimens, although how some guys can manage to pee through them should earn them some kind of medal.  A medal that they will never receive because their misshaped, lumpy, puss-filled penises cannot even hum a tune or whistle.  Not even whistle.  Useless!

So now R&D is going to have to come up with something better.  Perhaps a penis that vibrates, or is that too pedestrian.  Penises that shoot glitter!  Yeah…glitter!  It’s unicorn jizz for everyone!


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