Jens over at FreeDumb of Expression brought up some good points regarding Santa, so I decided that it’s time I reveal Christmas for what it is: an Illuminati plot to make a good part of your year completely unbearable. Or at least to those who celebrate Christmas. Don’t worry, we’re going after Hanukkah next. You…
Year: 2008
You Demented Freaks
I love you. I really do. I’m not screwing with you, either. After WordPress upgraded to 2.7, something which I never cared to notice became hilariously apparent. When it comes to the two most popular posts on this blog, between our Obama announcement and our expose on Vince Offer – Obama nabbed 61% of the…
Kreativ Blogger Award
For some reason, this blog was tagged for the Kreativ Blogger Award by ElfNinosMom of Adventures in Frickintardistan, one of our co-conspirators. Normally, I would ignore such a thing, but I saw what she did to that Turkish elm using only a pair of pliers and a gummy bear..and well, that was nothing short of…
ShamWow – Shammy Suckage
The Illuminati have completed an investigation into ShamWow and Vince Offer. “Investigation” might be a stretching it a little bit. “Little bit” as in “beyond the limits of reality.” We pronounced them guilty before Vince was a tickle in his daddy’s pants. For those who are still sober enough to read, ShamWow and Vince Offer…
Ashley Todd Failed Fame-Whoring 101
I would very much like to thank one of our Co-Conspirators, Adventures in Frickintardistan, for informing us about Ashley Todd’s inability to frame an Obama supporter by faking an assault. She is a disgrace to the Fame-Whores of the world. So, while I can’t release the course materials for “Grab Your 15 Minutes By the…
Wait…you didn’t think McCain was safe, did you?
For those of you who thought that McCain would be safe once we admitted to having Obama in our clutches, you were wrong. As usual. We left plenty of signs such as voting with Bush (who we already “control”) over 90% of the time, and that whole “Old McCain”, “New McCain” business. When will you…
Yeah, it’s true…Obama works for us.
With the presidential election just weeks away, we at the Illuminati have decided that it would be joyously insidious to dispel some myths and release some well known Illuminati insider information about Barack Obama. Now without further adieu… Obama Was Not Born in Hawaii After people have so fervently defended Obama’s birth certificate, I can…
Realtor-Bots: The Cluster Bunny Continues…
In the beginning, there was land. And on that land there stood shelter. And lo the occupant of that shelter shouted to the heavens, “I covet a bigger shelter.” And the heavens responded by sending unto the people a special kind of unholy being. A Realtor. Okay, so that’s not quite how it happened. But…
Wolverpus Escapes
Early yesterday morning, my beloved wolverpus escaped from his cell during a routine feeding. After gorging himself on the idiot intern who left the door unlocked, he manipulated the elevator system into allowing him roof access and leaped to a nearby building. By the time the black helicopters arrived to subdue him with the hash…
Lizard Impossible
This year marks the tenth anniversary of the Illuminati’s plan to destroy the Food Network. Now you may be wondering why we would choose to do such a thing and you should already know the answer to this: Because we can. Yeah, it’s good to be me. So anyway, you must want to know what…